


disconsolate

by donhgyucks



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Cheating, Divorce, Heartbreak, Infidelity, M/M, Sad, a lot of physical illness, mental too, probably not for the lighthearted
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-03
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2020-07-29 20:08:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 22,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20088028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/donhgyucks/pseuds/donhgyucks
Summary: over the past year, younghyun became distant. he ignored jae, began to cherish him less, and went against the vows they made to one another. despite the young adopted son he shared with him, he became disconnected from the family he had once loved.





	1. Chapter 1

_ **"i want a divorce"** _

those four words caused jaehyung park to break down. tears ran down his cheeks at what his husband said.

he knew it was coming, all of the signs were there. the late nights, the giggles on the phone call, the scent of another man; the list goes on and on.

jae had hoped rather foolishly that whoever his husband had been messing around with was just a fling. it's clear now that it's not

"what's his name?" jae asks in a hushed voice, "who was it, younghyun?" he asks as he wipes his face with the edge of his sleeve.

"yoon dowoon" he replies coolly. he feels nothing as he watches his husband break down again. he no longer loved him in the way he used to. the only emotion that he can feel as he watches jae break down is pity. he doesnt feel guilt, at least not yet.

he's sure that'll come later when the divorce actually happens.

"your secretary?" jae asks, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion. "but I thought he was fired years ago. you haven't seen him in years"

"where the hell did you get that bit of information from?" younghyun scoffs, "he's been my secretary for years and he has come over to watch our son multiple times. how can you not remember that. how stupid are you?" jae flinches at his husband's harsh words and takes a few steps away from him.

"i-i" this isn't how jae wanted tonight to go. he was going to tell younghyun something important, something he can't quite remember, and now it seems like he won't ever be able to.

"what about our son?" jae asks, sadness concealing his eyes,

"what about him?" younghyun asks, his eyebrows furrowing.

"o-our son, younghyun. what happens to him? did you even think about him when you were fucking bafoon?" jae asks angrily.

"his name is dowoon," younghyun seethes, angry that his husband seemed to purposefully get his secretary's name wrong.

"same fucking thing," jae snaps.

"clearly you can't be civil about this so we'll talk in the morning," younghyun snaps. jae doesn't say anything as younghyun pushes past him and storms out of the house.

jae collapses into the chair that he had previously been sitting in and covers his face with his hands. he doesn't even have the strength to cry anymore, he just sits there, numb.

"dad?" jae looks up and sees that his son, Hwan, is standing in the doorway of the kitchen. hwan had woken up to raised voices and a door slamming and he came down to see what was happening.

he hadn't expected to see his adopted father, jae, sitting alone, looking broken. where was his other father and why wasn't he comforting jae?

"shouldn't you be asleep?" jae asks as he quickly wipes his drying tears away.

"i heard shouting and just wanted to make sure that things are okay," hwan says nervously. he may only be a freshman in high school, but he knows perfectly well what the shouting and the door slamming could mean.

an inexplicable rush of fear goes through him and he immediately rushes over to his fathers side. "everything's fine, baby," jae says softly. "your father and i just had a disagreement. you can go back to bed."

"are you going to be okay?" hwan asks, not moving from his spot.

"of course," jae replies while ignoring the guilt that eats away at him because of the lie. "let's have some hot cocoa before we go back to bed, okay?" hwan nods slowly and watches anxiously as his father gathers the ingredients.

when he continually grabs the wrong items, hwan decides to step in and help. he has to remind jae where the mugs are and he feels his anxiety rise as he watches him melt chocolate bars with the milk. "thanks, dad," he says when jae hands him a mug.

the two sit at the dining room table and jae feels his heart break as he thinks about how his family is falling apart. how did it get to this point?

when did younghyun start seeking love form someone else? and most importantly, why was he still in love with him despite his broken heart?


	2. Chapter 2

_ **eighteen years before** _

jae lets out a loud huff as he runs after the the boy who had grabbed his bag. he came out of nowhere and took it away when jae was sat on the beach to watch the sunset.

the brief moment of peace jae had felt is ruined, and he is going to give the boy and earful when he catches up to him. he has to push several people out of the way as he runs after the thief and is suddenly glad for all the years that he ran track in middle school and high school.

this gives jae the advantage that he needs and manages to catch up to the boy. "you're not stealing from me, you prick," jae snaps as hhe rips his bag out of the boys hands. before the boy can do anything else, jae grabs his arm and pulls him back. "sit your ass down, we're about to have a talk."

when the boy doesn't move, jae brings his foot up to behind his knee and makes his leg buckle. this gives jae enough strength to pull the boy over to a bench and make him sit down.

"so what's your name?" the boy looks up at jae with wide eyes, wondering why he even wanted to know. he can't help but worry that he is going to turn him in to the police.

what he had done was an act of desperation, he had only meant to get the money in jaes wallet and leave everything else, but jae had noticed what he was doing, causing him to take the entire bag. a feeling of shame creeps up on him and he takes a deep breath, resigned to the fact that jae will likely turn him in. he deserves it he most knows that deep down.

"younghyun. kang younghyun," he says somewhat nervously. he takes a deep breath and pulls on the edges of his sleeves.

"so tell me, younghyun, why did you think it was a good idea to steal from me?" jae asks with a raised eyebrow.

"look, im really sorry," younghyun says with a hint of desperation. "i just...you won't turn me in, right?" he repeats out loud what he was meant to say in his head.

"i have half a mind to" jae replies, still annoyed at what just transpired. "i don't appreciate what you've just done and you need to receive some sort of punishment." he's taken aback when he sees younghyuns eyes widen.

jae presses his lips together when he sees fear, something that he wouldn't have expected from a thief like him. is it possible that there's more to the story? is there a reason why younghyun had tried to steal from him?

he shakes his head and pushes those thoughts away, knowing that even if there was a good excuse it doesn't negate from younghyun trying to steal from him.

"please don't turn me in," younghyun pleads. "i know messed up. i know i shouldn't have tried to steal. i can't go to jail, please l have family that's depending on me." he can feel his eyes beginning to fill with tears as the consequences of what he's done hits him.

if jae turned him in, he wouldn't be able to take care of his baby sister, or his mother for that matter. his dad is out of the picture so he doesn't really matter, but the two women in his life depend on him.

how could he have been so stupid? jae watches younghyun panic and he feels his concern grow. despite how angry he is with him for trying to steal from him, he does feel bad for him. his family is apparently depending on him and he is most likely their only source of income. that makes him wonder what his parents are doing, what his situation is, and if there's any way that he could help him.

jaes adamant on making younghun suffer some sort of consequence, but maybe he can help him out somehow.

"alright, younghyun," jae finally says. "get up, we're going back to the boardwalk, get some popcorn and have a little chat. this is non- negotiable," he continues, taking a step back from younghyun, who looks at him in surprise.

what is he doing?

"o-okay," younghyun says nervously. the two slowly walk back to the board walk in silence. younghyun feels his worry growing, wondering when he'll be set free so he can go back home. he needs to check on how his mother and sister are doing.

younghyun evades the questions about his personal life and and jae decides to not press the subject, especially since they don't know each other very well. the two eventually find a stall and jae insists on buying the popcorn. then, he leads younghyun down to the beach, where his towel is still laid out. neither of them talk for a few moments, the silence is bitter.

"so younghyun, im deciding to trust you," jae begins as he holds the bag of popcorn towards him. younghyun takes a few pieces and hesitantly begins to eat them. he feels a flash of guilt at how jae had paid for the food and is being so kind to him even though he tried stealing from him.

"you truly seem to be down on your luck and I am willing to help you. there is a vacancy at the boardwalk and the spot is yours if you want it."

"w-what?" younghyun asks, his eyes widening.

"my dad owns the boardwalk, and there's always positions open. as punishment for trying to steal, you're going to work on garbage control for two weeks," jae says. "after that, you will be a ride operator. the pay isn't amazing, but it's decent. if your family needs jobs as well, they can get one," he continues.

"i- are you sure?" younghyun asks, hesitantly. this offer is too good to be true.

younghyun has multiple arrests on his records from when he was caught stealing. he quickly tells jae of the arrests and he's surprised when he smiles.

"look, i may not understand what it's like to struggle with money, but i do know that people do stupid things when they're desperate," jae begins. "and that most people deserve a second chance. I am willing to give you one."

younghyun feels like bursting into tears but he refrains from doing so, knowing that this would most likely make jae uncomfortable. "i... don't know what to say," younghyun says slowly. "i don't even know your name so I can't think you properly."

jae stares at him before throwing his head back in laughter. he had been so focused on trying to figure out younghyun that he didn't tell him his name.

"jae park" he says with a smile.

"thank you, jae," younghyun says, waiting for his laughs to die down. "i um, i really appreciate you not turning me in. i don't think i deserve your kindness but i will work hard to prove myself."

"i'm sure you will," jae says as his eyes focus on the water and the way the dimming sunlight hits it.

younghyun's gaze goes to the ocean and he eats the popcorn as he sits in silence. "oh, younghyun?"

"yes?" younghyun asks, completely unaware of jaes tone.

"if you ever try to steal from me again will not hesitate to break your legs."

_ **sixteen years before** _

"come on, baby," younghyun says with a wide grin. "i know you can do it," he continues as he watches jae struggles his way up the trail.

"shut it, keke," he groans.

"why?" he asks, smirking. im merely trying to support my boyfriend. what's wrong with that?"

"what's wrong is the fact that i know you're mocking me," jae huffs. "just because i'm not as physically fit as you doesn't mean you have the right to give me shit. i may be weaker but i can still beat your sorry ass."

"you'd never hurt me," younghyun says confidently.

"want to test that theory?" jae questions, raising his eyebrows at younghyuns faltering features.

he looks away from his harsh gaze momentarily, "and suddenly im happy with the distance between us," younghyun chuckles.

jae grumbles under his breath before picking up the pace. when younghyun had suggested to go on a hike, he hadn't expected him to choose such a difficult one. younghyun knows how out of shape jae is, but he's insisting on trying to get him to love working out as much as he does. he's even tried to get jae to have some of his disgusting green smoothies that he loves so much, but he won't budge on that.

they've been dating for about two years now and started doing so a few months after they met. younghyun insisted on asking him out a lot, and eventually, jae caved. he had refused his previous advances because he wanted him to focus on making sure that his family is taken care of.

jae didn't want him to be distracted, especially after what he had seen the first time he met younghyuns mother and sister. his mother is a recovering drug addict, she had gotten hooked on narcotics because of her ex husband. he had gotten arrested on charges of drug smuggling as well as murder. he is currently serving a life sentence in prison. his sister, kim eon jin, is now eight years old. she has remained happy despite the poverty that she had grown up in.

things have gotten better for younghyuns family, especially since jae came into the picture. ever since younghyun got the job at the boardwalk he's been able to save up money and buy his family nicer things.

it also helps that he's been getting extra help from some of his coworkers, who he's bonded with. they all love and care for the boy despite the age gap between him and them. eon jin already looks at jae like an older brother and she's always asking younghyun when his boyfriend is coming over.

while his mother has been sober for a year and a half, she still struggles. she nearly had a relapse a few weeks ago but she's going strong now.

"jae-"

"tell me to hurry up one more time and i will break you," he interrupts. younghyun chuckles before stepping out into the clearing. he grins when he sees the large blanket laid out.

there's a large heating lamp near by in case it gets too cold, but he's confident that they'll be fine. "look baby, ive set up a-"

"jesus christ," jae says, panting heavily when he finally makes it to the top of trail, right where younghyun is. "im never agreeing to go on a stupid hike with you again." he lets out another huff before his eyes focus on the scene before him. "Oh."

"there it is," younghyun grins as he wraps an arm around him. "and don't you dare complain about me being sweaty because you're just as bad as i am, if not more," he adds when jae opens his mouth to protest.

jae rolls his eyes and lightly hits his stomach before going over to the the blanket. younghyun had put a bottle of champagne, various types of cheeses and breads. the meal is light and simple, but neither of them care as they talk and laugh for hours.

jae finds himself falling more and more in love with younghyun. he had never felt this way towards someone, even when he was dating one of his exes. he didn't feel nearly as connected with them as he does with younghyun, and he smiles to himself as numerous possibilities begin to run through his mind. he can see himself spending the rest of his life with younghyun.

he can see himself adopting a few kids and maybe even a dog. he can see them living in a large home somewhere in Los Angeles or New York. most importantly, he can see them growing old together. he's spent countless hours imagining what it would be like to grow old with younghyun. he imagines that younghyun would be the crotchety old man while he'd be the cool grandad that would be able to calm him down.

their personalities are fairly different but they compliment each other very well. jae can't help but wonder if his idyllic life could ever happen or become a possibility. things are going well for the couple.

younghyun's tech startup is becoming more and more successful and there's a good chance that high profile businessmen will invest.

"younghyun?" jae says hesitantly as he strokes his soft brown locks. his head, which had been resting on jaes chest moves slightly, indicating that he's listening. "i love you" jae continues shyly.

"i love you too, jae"

** _fifteen years before_ **

"younghyun, you've got to support his head while you hold him," jae says patiently as he watches his anxious husband hold his adopted son for the first time. hes new born, adopted from the parents as they'd offered to give up their baby for adoption. "there you go," jae encourages as he watches younghyuns hand move so it's now cradling their son's head.

"he's so beautiful," younghyun murmurs as he looks down at his son.

"he is?" jae asks with a smile. "i think he looks like a naked mole rat," he continues.

"our son is most certainly not a rat," younghyun chuckles. "though, i guess you're right. babies are kind of ugly when they first come out."

"he's our little naked mole rat," jae says. "hand him over, will you?"

"but I want to hold him a little longer," younghyun pouts. "our baby is fine," he insists.

as if on cue, the baby begins to coo softly, an indication that he's getting hungry. younghyun pouts at this but hands his son over. 

there's nothing more in the world that younghyun loves than his husband - and now his son. he can't believe how lucky he got with this man and he hopes to cherish him for as long as both of them live.

someone like jae park deserves the world, and since younghyuns company is really picking up, he's going to be able to do just that. He can't wait to spoil his husband and son, and to move to New York at the end of the year. The future is looking a whole lot brighter for the two, and both of them are excited to see what happens.

_ **ONE YEAR BEFORE** _

younghyun kisses jaes forehead and makes sure that he has everything he needs before leaving the penthouse. jaes been sick for the two weeks with the flu. he had to go to the hospital for a few days to be quarantined and during that time, younghyuns stress levels have shot up.

not only does he have to worry about his husband, but he also has to worry about idiot employees fucking up his paper work. they had sent in the wrong files to the U.K headquarters regarding various investments and he's still having to pay for it.

it's lucky that his secretary, dowoon, is such a work oriented employee. he's been working nonstop to fix the problem and younghyun's incredibly grateful.

he smiles to himself as he walks into his office building and he feels excited to see dowoon. he's been incredibly helpful, even with his personal life. dowoon's been the one to bring the medicine to his husband while he's in meetings. jae's treatment has been expensive but he knows that it'll be worth it.

he's also had to get his husband sleeping pills because he's had difficulty sleeping.

"mr kang, it's wonderful to see you," dowoon says with a smile. younghyun glances at him and feels his pulse quicken when he looks at dowoon sitting at his desk. he wasnt sure what it was, but everything dowoon did was in a seductive manor. 

younghyun sucks in a breath as his eyes move down to heis legs. he licks his lips. his relationship with dowoon has always been flirtatious. dowoon was always hitting on younghyun despite the fact that he was married. he's been over at his house before to watch hwan.

younghyun has never taken advantage of his secretary's flirting but his self control has been slipping as of late.

jae has been acting strange for a long time, even before he got the flu. he's been less affectionate and he's been a lot more spacey. he's slowly changing into someone he can't recognise. his feelings for jae are changing and there's nothing that he can really do about it.

"good morning," younghyun finally says, clearing his throat. he places his hands down in front of him, trying to cover his growing erection as he continues looking between dowoons open top buttons. the secretary smirks, knowing that the effect that he has on his boss.

"your coffee is on your desk, the fixed files have been sent away, and the meeting with sungjin has been rescheduled," dowoon says.

"thank you, dowoon," he says in a strained voice.

dowoons eyes lower to where younghyuns hands are and he licks his lips when he sees the large outline of his erection. "is there anything else that you would like me to do for you, kang younghyun?" he asks in a low and sultry voice. younghyuns dark eyes widen in surprise, especially because he desperately wants to say yes.

"n-no, thank you," he manages to say. "that is all for now, sir" he adds before turning abruptly and rushing into his office. he shuts the door behind him and closes his eyes, trying to calm down his rapidly beating heart.

This had been the first time that dowoons's attempts truly had an effect on him.

"shit," he mutters to himself as he loosens his tie and collapses into his chair. he's painfully hard now and he knows that there's only one way he can make it go away. while closing his eyes, younghyun unbuckles his belt and slowly slides his trousers down along with his boxers. he carefully grabs himself and lets out a strangled moan as he moves his hand up and down his length.

images of dowoon's plump lips wrapped around him causes his hand to move quickly and his breathing becomes uneven. he can easily picture dowoon dragging himself to and up his length, and he suddenly wants nothing more than to fuck his secretary's pretty little mouth.

younghyun is so engrossed in his own pleasure that he doesn't notice his office door opening. he doesn't hear dowoon's shoes clink on the floor as he makes his way over to younghyun. when he's a foot away, he clears his throat and smirks as he watches the man before him suddenly get very flustered.

dowoons eyes flicker down for a moment to look at his member and smiles inwardly; it's as big as he imagined. there's silence between the two, but then dowoon slowly sinks to his knees and pries younghyuns legs apart.

"my, my, kang younghyun" he chuckles as he boldly reaches out to grab younghyun. he hisses at the action but makes no moves to stop dowoon. "i repeat my question from earlier. is there anything that i can do for you?" he squeezes very lightly, causing younghyun to groan and move his hips up in desperation.

"please, dowoon," he groans.

"I need more than that, younghyun," he says in a slightly mocking tone.

"dowoon, please" he pleads, panting as dowoon drags his tongue up his shaft, "please just fuck me"

"now that i can do, younghyun"


	3. Chapter 3

** _ PRESENT  _ **

jae spends the next morning trying to find the correct ingredients for scrambled eggs. he inspects the list he made after getting out the milk, cheese, salt and pepper and notices that he's missed the most important ingredient - the eggs. 

shaking his head at his stupidity, he goes back to the fridge to get the food item and begins to mix the ingredients together. just as he starts cooking the food, the front door opens. he knows who it is without having to look. younghyun comes strolling into the kitchen wearing different clothes. 

he has clothes at dowoon's and decided to change before coming over to talk and he freezes when he sees his husband standing in front of the stove. jaes head turns towards him and younghyun feels nothing when he takes in jaes appearance.

jaes's eyes are bloodshot from the crying he had done and from the lack of sleep he's been getting. he doesn't say a word as he turns his attention back to the eggs. he hums quietly to himsef, trying to hide the fact that he's dying on the inside 

"will you be able to drive hwan to school or are you going to be too busy fucking your secretary?" jae finally asks, breaking the tense silence between them. 

"watch your tone," younghyun warns. "i may be divorcing you, but i still deserve some respect." 

"ill take that as a no," jae replies coolly. 

he takes the eggs off the stove and puts them on a clean plate. when he looks down at them he frowns. they're still grossly undercooked and even if they were done correctly, he wouldn't eat them. he's barely been able to eat these past couple of months. 

"well, if you're not here to drive hwan to school, then why'd you come back?" 

"this is my home, jae," younghyun scoffs. "and I was hoping that you'd be acting more civil. i want to go over the terms of the divorce." 

"i do not have the time to discuss that this morning. have your lawyer do draft up the conditions and send it to my office. i will look at it there," jae says as he puts the egg in the compost bin. "and if you think that ill be civil about this, then you're a damn fool. you're leaving me for your secretary," he says bitterly. 

younghyun feels a rush of anger at this and opens his respond, but he's stopped when he sees hwan walking into the kitchen.

"dad, you've come back!" he says with a happy smile. "you missed hot chocolate last night." 

sometimes jae would make hot chocolate from scratch and the three of them would settle down in front of the large fireplace. they would talk or joke around and sometimes play a board game. it was the thing that brought them closer. the mere mention of it breaks jae's heart while younghyun just shrugs. 

"oh well," he sighs. "listen bud, im not going to be able to drive you to school today. i have a lot of work to do." 

"that's okay," hwan says cheerfully. "you can drive me to school some other time." hwan goes over to the fridge and pulls out the ingredients necessary for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for his lunch. 

while he makes it, jae hastily takes out the milk and cereal and places it on the small table. "dad, you got me a fork instead of a spoon," hwan says with a slight laugh. 

"sorry baby," jae says with a nervous chuckle. he could have sworn that he had gone to the spoon drawer. 

"it's alright, i can still have my cereal," he says. 

he watches as his dad nods slowly and he struggles to hide his concern. he's been messing up little things lately, and hwan doesn't really understand what's happening.

"well, i better get going," younghyun says after a few moments of silence. "ill see you two later tonight." 

"promise?" jae asks with a mocking smile. "or are you going to work late?" younghyun narrows his eyes at his husband before turning on his heels and walking out of the house without another word. 

the second jaes husband leaves the penthouse, he lets out a loud sigh and begins to clean the kitchen. "dad..." hwan begins slowly. 

"how's school, sweetie?" jae asks as he struggles to stop himself from crying again. "don't you have exams coming up?"

"yeah, i have finals at the end of the month," hwan says. "im not worried though. i know that ill pass." 

"i know you will," jae smiles softly. "you're an intelligent boy. im proud of you." hwan flushes at his father's praise and happily finishes his breakfast. he packs his lunch and makes sure that his sandwich is there before getting in the car with jae. 

hwan waves goodbye to jae as he gets out once they're at his school and watches as the car drives away. he sighs heavily once he's gone and silently hopes that whatever problems his parents are having will he resolved really soon. 

he wants the happiness between his parents to come back again. 

** _ DIVORCE AGREEMENT  _ **

younghyun looks over the papers that his lawyer brought over, feeling incredibly relieved. this is what he had been wanting for the past month, and now it's finally happening. he is confident that jae will sign them, and then he will be free. 

he'll be able to spend his time with dowoon without having to lie anymore. his only regret is that his son is going to find out about this sooner or later. he knows that his son will most likely side with jae. hwan has always been closer to jae than him, and he wishes that could have been different so that this would be easier.

younghyun knows that he'll have to share custody of him, but he knows deep down that hwan will resent him for what he's doing. his son was never a big fan of dowoon.

as a baby, he would always cry whenever dowoon was around, or he wouldn't let him touch him. things got a little bit easier as he got older, but he knows that his feelings towards dowoon haven't changed.

"send these to him," younghyun says, pushing the folder over to his lawyer. 

"you're absolutely sure about this right?" his lawyer asks. "once the papers are signed, there's no way out. you won't be able to go back to the way things were." 

"things haven't been the same for a while" younghyun scoffs. "just send them to him, wonpil." 

"yes sir," wonpil sighs as he reluctantly gets up and leaves with the divorce papers. he has known younghyun and jae for a couple of years now ever since they met at a dinner party. 

he saw the love that the two shared, and it saddens him greatly to see them split. as he leaves younghyun's office, he passes dowoon. he doesn't look in his direction at all and feels anger burning deep inside him. he chuckles at this, knowing full well what the lawyer was thinking. 

dowoon knows that most of younghyun's friends don't like him. he knows that he's seen as the homewrecker, the man that tore apart a happy family, but he couldn't care less. he finally got the man that he had always wanted, and he didn't mind putting a few people through hell if it meant that he got hiw man in the end.

once the lawyer is out of hiw sight, dowoon gets up and goes into his boss' office. he makes sure to lock the door. 

"well kang younghyun, how would you like me this time?" he asks, his coral lips quirking up into a smirk. younghyun watches as he begins to unbutton his shirt, revealing his toned abs. 

he unbuckles his belt, unzips his fly and his pants fall to the ground, causing him to groan at the sight. 

"on my desk," younghyun says as he quickly begins to undress. dowoon smirks as he slides his underwear off and sits on the edge of the desk, right in front of younghyun. 

he spreads his legs and closes his eyes as he feels his soft lips the inside of his thighs. his long fingers are tangled in younghyun's hair and he pulls when his tongue darts out across his member.

"oh-oh younghyun," dowoon moans as he slowly rolls his hips against his tongue. he sucks lightly and eagerly laps up his arousal, reveling at how easily turned on he is. 

"quiet baby," younghyun murmurs as he pulls away. 

dowoon whines at the loss of contact but is immediately pleased when he feels younghyuns fingers begin to tease his rectum.

a half hour later, dowoon is walking out of younghyun's office, wincing with each step. he has a satisfied smirk and doesn't care about the stares that the other employees give him. hoid relationship with the boss is no secret, and neither is their dislike of the situation. 

younghyun gets home around six that evening and sees that jae is sitting at the dining room table. he sees the divorce papers scattered around and he smiles slightly as he walks over. "i see you got the papers," he says.

"clearly," jae replies dryly. "hwan is with a friend tonight. i figured that he shouldn't be here while we talk." 

"so you're finally willing to do that, are you?" younghyun chuckles as he gets out two glasses. 

he pours himself some wine and is about to pour some for jae when he holds his hand up "younghyun, you know i can't have alcohol," he says. when his face remains expressionless, he sighs. "it mixes with the antidepressants, remember?" 

"right," younghyun says with a slight nod. "more for me, i guess." 

"good to know that im not the only one with a shit memory," jae says, bitter at how his soon to be ex husband had forgotten such an important thing about him. "so younghyun, you actually love dowoon, don't you?" he says as he leans back in his chair. 

"so now you remember his name," younghyun says with a raised eyebrow. "and yes, I do"

jae doesnt flinch, he seems oddly satisfied actually. "when did this start?" 

"when you had the flu." 

"why do you love him?" 

"because I do. he makes me happy, he makes me feel young again," younghyun says testily as he takes a large gulp of his wine.

"you are forty one ears old younghyun," jae says as his hands ball into fists. "you are not old." 

"but I'm not young, either." 

"he makes you happy?" jae asks.

"yes."

"and you love him?" 

"i already answered that." 

"this affair has been happening for a year, you love him and you're perfectly happy with divorcing your husband that you've been with for fifteen years, is that correct?" jae asks tersely. 

"It was eighteen, but yes," younghyun says, annoyed now that jae had forgotten how long they've been together. 

jae furrows his eyebrows, mentally slapping himself for frogetting. "has it ever occurred to you that maybe dowoon is only with you for your money?"

"he is not like that," younghyun snaps. 

jae rolls his eyes. "he's what? twenty three years old and a ditzy home wrecker, yes? boys like that always marry for money." 

"do not speak about him like that." 

"i will speak about the man who's perfectly okay with tearing apart my family apart however i want," jae says, slamming his hands on the table. "clearly you're serious about this." 

"of course i am" younghyun says as he grips his glass of wine tightly. "if i wasn't, i wouldn't be here, wanting you to sign the papers."

"you know what hurts the most?" jae asks as his eyes begin to water. "you did the most stereotypical thing a man could do."

younghyun laughs softly at his soon to be ex husband's words, bitterly. "would you like to enlighten on how I'm being stereotypical?" he asks coolly 

"you're leaving your husband for a younger man, who also happens to be your secretary. not only that, but hes nicely buil-" 

"not this bullshit," younghyun snaps. "i am not leaving you because hes young and fit"

"it's a factor and you very well know it," jae snarls. 

younghyun is about to respond but he stops himself, knowing deep down that it's true, at least to a certain extent. "you hate when someone comes up to you and asks why you're with someone like me. i know you've wondered what your life would have been like if you married someone else. i know that there's a part of you, however small it is, that regrets being with me because of the attention."

"that's-"

"don't you dare try and deny it. it's true and ive been well aware of what you've been thinking for the fifteen years just we've been together," jae says as his voice begins to tremble. there are tears incessantly flying down his pale cheeks at this point. "sorry-eighteen" he says, correcting himself.

younghyun sighs heavily, not feeling any remorse at all. "look, just sign the papers jae". there is no point in denying what he said was true, "you get the penthouse, the car, 25% of the company." he continues.

jae's eye twitches with anger at younghyuns words as he takes a deep breath, before gathering up the countless papers. he makes a point to hold the papers in front of younghyuns face before he rips them down the middle with all his strength.

"_fuck_ your papers._ fuck_ your pity gifts, but most importantly kang younghyun, _fuck you_."


	4. Chapter 4

"i see you haven't moved," younghyun says resentfully as he walks into the kitchen. after the argument that they had, he stormed upstairs and proceeded to throw around some of their things. 

he was furious at the way jae had been talking to him, and he didn't appreciate the way he talked about dowoon. he was also mad that jae seemed to be forgetting how long they were together. eighteen years is not something that someone forgets easily. 

"ive made my conditions for the divorce," jae says as he holds out a piece of paper. younghyun refrains from rolling his eyes as he takes it from his hands. his eyes scan the paper and is pleasantly surprised he sees what he wants. 

he notices that neither the shares of the company, the car, or the penthouse is on the list. it's actually quite short, there are only four things. 

the first one, which is where jae asks for him to not tell hwan about the divorce. that one is reasonable enough. jae's rationale behind this is that he didn't want his son to be distracted from the exams. he wants his mind to be solely focused on studying and passing so he can move on to the next grade. he doesn't want to be the one that's responsible for him failing, and younghyun agrees that he doesn't want to be the reason either.

the second condition is an add on to the first one, and it's asking him to stay at the penthouse until hwan's exams are done. jae doesn't want him to be distracted by the fact that his father is not around anymore. 

he agrees to this because it makes sense in his mind. he doesn't want to make his son go through the pain that his husband is dealing with. jae assures him that he does not have to stay in the same bed as him, one of them can stay in the guestroom. 

all they have to do is make sure that hwan doesn't notice that they're sleeping in separate beds. 

the third condition is a little odd in younghyun's opinion. it requires him to remind jae every night before they go to bed that he is divorcing him and why. he doesn't get why jae needs the daily reminder of what he's doing to him, but who is he to deny this request? 

at least this will set him free, this will hopefully make things easier in the long run. he's sure that this may make things harder for him, but he asked for it. he wants this. 

the final condition is something that makes his heart lurch a little. jae wants him to carry him from the bedroom all the way out of the penthouse every morning for the 30 days until hwan's exams. 

after their wedding, younghyun had insisted on carrying jae through the threshold of their newly bought home. they had still been living in Daegu at the time.

younghyun can't help but wonder if this is some sort of ploy to get him to love him again, but he sure is that it's not. this is the condition that he has the biggest problem with, but he eventually agrees, resigned to the fact that he at least owes his husband this last bit of comfort. 

"you'll sign the papers before hwan's exams, right?" younghyun asks as he runs his fingers through his hair. 

"yes, younghyun," jae says. "i know that you want to go now, so you can. i said what i needed to, and there's nothing i can do to stop you. thank you for the years of happiness that you gave me, and i hope that dowoon will be able to make you happier than i could," he continues. 

younghyun feels a slight pang of guilt and he can't help but reach out to try and comfort jae. jae steps away from him and shakes his head.

"jae- "

"ill allow the conditions to start tomorrow night, so you can go. spend the night with bafoon and be happy," he interrupts. "im sorry I wasn't enough to make you happy, younghyun, i truly am. i know these words fall on deaf ears, but i love you, and I always will." 

younghyun doesn't even bother to correct his husband because he used the wrong name again, and merely watches him go, feeling a little guilty.

a few hours later, younghyun finds himself at dowoons small apartment. dowoon can't seem to stop laughing at his explanation of jae's divorce conditions. he thinks that the list is ridiculous, especially the part where he has to carry jae all the way though the penthouse and through the front door every morning. 

it's stupid that jae thinks that this will make younghyun fall back in love with him. dowoons confident that he'll never go back to his husband, especially since dowoon is younger and can satisfy him in a way that jae can't. it's what he's been doing for the past year, so he's not worried at all. 

"your husband is kidding himself if he thinks that this will win you back," dowoon says as he calms himself down. "jae always has been delusional." 

"yeah," younghyun chuckles somewhat uncomfortably. even though he is still adamant about the divorce, he doesn't like talking about his husband this way.

it feels weird that dowoon is so invested in what's happening, and that he mentions his husband every chance he gets. he tries to tear him down and younghyun doesn't like it. 

"listen, whenever we're together, please don't talk about jae. that's my business, not yours"

"please," dowoon scoffs. "you made your marriage my business the second we started fucking." 

"that may be so, but ive spent almost half my life with the man. i don't want to make him any more miserable than i already have," younghyun says calmly. "i want this divorce to be as painless as possible and you're not making it any easier"

"fine, fine," dowoon says, knowing that he's pushing his luck. 

the fact that he's convinced him to leave his husband is proof enough that younghyun is completely devoted to him. "now, where were we?" younghyun murmurs to himself as he slowly slides down the bed and situates himself between dowoons legs 

his hands go to beneath dowoons hips and to his ass, where he roughly squeezes the flesh. he moans in response and his eyes flutter close as younghyun brings his mouth down to his now aching core. dowoon feels pure bliss, especially as younghyun mercilessly pounds into him. 

younghyuns lips wrap around dowoons taught nipple and lightly bites down, creating a mixture of pleasure and pain. younghyun lets out a strangled cry and buries his face in the crook of dowoons neck. his breathing is uneven and he slowly moves away from dowoon. he gives him a confused look but relaxes as he watches him put his boxers back on before laying beside him. 

"you're more frustrated than i previously thought," dowoon giggles as younghyun rests his head on his bare chest "i really felt it then."

"i have a lot of problems that are piling up, dowoon, of course im frustrated," younghyun replies. 

"well, im glad that the one who gets to feel your frustration," he says, stroking his hair. younghyun cringes at his choice of words but doesn't move away from him. 

instead, he merely blocks out dowoons voice as he occasionally kisses the soft skin of his chest. 

\------------------------------

younghyun lets out another sigh as he looks at the clock on the wall. it's nearly ten at night and jae hasn't come home yet. he never goes out, especially when he has work the following day. 

he actually prefers to go to bed at eight every night and it was something younghyun teased him about. he didn't actually mind going to bed so early because it really helped him in the mornings. he still goes to bed at eight despite not being around jae as much.

he's tried calling jae a few times but he hasn't answered his phone at all. It's entirely possible that he's not answering out of spite, and he hopes it's only that and not anything more serious.

hwan is already in bed, though younghyun is sure that he's wide awake and playing online video games. just as he's about to leave the penthouse to see if he can somehow track jae down, he comes walking in through the front door.

younghyun immediately walks up to jae and places his finger under jaes chin, making him look at him. his eyes aren't red, so that means he hasn't been out drinking. he doesn't seem to be hurt in anyway so that's out. why did he come home so late? was it possible that he had been with another man? or could he have been out with a friend and just lost track of time.

"what are you doing here?" jae asks, his eyes widening in surprise. "i thought that you'd be with dowoon." 

"you told me to be here tonight, remember?" younghyun says, frowning. "as part of the conditions for the divorce?" he adds, hoping that this would make him remember. 

he sees many emotions flash through jaes brown eyes as he steps away from him. "right," he mutters under his breath. "have you already eaten?" 

"uh yeah," younghyun says. "there wasn't a lot of food in the fridge or the cupboards, so i ordered takeout for hwan and i." 

"oh!" jae exclaims. "that's why i left the penthouse. i was meant to get food for the place." 

"and you forgot?" younghyun asks, his eyebrow raising. 

"yeah," jae chuckles. "sorry younghyun. now that I remember, ill just go to the store and get some food."

"let me come with you," he says immediately. "i can't have you coming home so late again." 

"why should you care about when I come home?" jae asks with a raised eyebrow as he walks back out of the penthouse, not even bothering to wait for younghyun. "you're no longer bound to me. you don't have to worry about you coming home just as you don't have to worry about me."

"we have to for the next thirty days, jae," younghyun says, frowning. "we're officially splitting after hwan's exams." 

"right," jae sighs. 

he doesn't say anything else and younghyun doesn't really care enough to start another conversation. this isn't how younghyun wanted this evening to go, especially since this was way past the time he usually goes to bed. he's a little annoyed that jae came home so late, and that he's forgot to get groceries. 

younghyun didn't really want to come with jae to get more food, but seemed like the decent thing to do at the time. the trip to the store is quick, and younghyun has to take over pushing the car and picking out the food because jae keeps getting distracted.

when they get home jae puts away the groceries while younghyun goes up to the room and changes into his pajamas. jae comes up a few minutes later and changes in the bathroom. 

younghyun sees that jaes wearing the flannel pants that he got him for his birthday a few years back, and an old t-shirt of his. younghyun rolls his eyes before getting under the covers on his side of the bed. jae climbs in and places a pillow between their bodies so they'll stay on their respective sides of the bed. 

younghyun goes to sleep almost instantly, while jae remains awake for most of the night. 

"are you ready?" younghyun asks after he finishes his morning routine. jae is just pulling on his work trousers and nods slowly. he doesn't move any closer to younghyun and he refrains from showing his impatience as he walks over to him. as he awkwardly scoops jae into his arms, it hits him that this is the first time he's been this close to his husband in a long time. 

he's fairly sure that the last time he's held him in this way was a few months ago, right before he fell in love with dowoon.

"hello?" hwan says when he sees his parents coming down the stair case. his eyes widen when he sees jae in younghyuns arms and he feels an inexplicable rush of happiness. maybe his parents really were going to be alright. "what's going on? 

"i...i had a sudden urge to carry your father outside," younghyun says, thinking quickly. 

"that's awesome!" hwan says happily. "ill open the door for you," he adds as he rushes over to open it. 

"thanks baby," jae says with a tired smile. "i can pick you up from school today." 

"let me," younghyun says hastily "i haven't picked up hwan in a long time and figured that now's a good time to start doing it again." 

he doesn't dare add the fact that he was scared that jae would forget, which is why he stepped in. "that's fine," jae says as younghyun sets him down. he hands jae the bag hanging up on the hook near the door and he makes sure that his phone and keys are in it. 

"ill see my favourite boys later tonight." younghyun smiles uncomfortably at this while hwan cheers. 

the two watch as he leaves for work and younghyun ultimately decides to drive his son to school, instead of getting to work early so he can spend time with dowoon.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhh my first note amongst this fic so far, but it must be said that no characters in this fic are represented in the same light in their real lives. im not writing younghyun, dowoon etc in a negative light because they are like this in real life, and vice versa. it is purely a work of fiction.
> 
> i just wanted to clarify this to avoid any harsh comments.
> 
> other than that, please enjoy this rollercoaster. ♡

jae stares blankly down at the picture in his hands, he has a confused stricked face as he does so.

he knows that his son is in his arms, but hes not sure of who took it. his first thought would be younghyun, but since he doesnt love jae anymore, why would he be in love with him then? how could someone suddenly fall out of love with someone else? younghyun couldnt have loved jae if he was willing to cheat on him for a whole year.

jae isnt even as angry as he should be, and part of it is because hes determined to be civil, not for himself or younghyun. but for their son, hwan.

everything hes done for them for the past fifteen years has been for hwan. hes made countless sacrifices, given up a lot of time, missed out of opportunities, but its all been worth it.

jaes stuck with his family through the most difficult times, and younghyun didnt seem willing to do that anymore. it looks like they really wont be together till death do they part.

sighing, jae drops the photo. not caring if it hits the floor as he leaves the bedroom.

its three in the morning and he takes a look around at the place that used to bring so much happiness. now its just a reminder of what was and what could have been. memories of what happened in this penthouse hits him and he lets out a quiet sob.

he doesnt want to leave all of this behind, he doesnt want to let go of the life he had, but he has to. its his job as the dutiful husband and his heart aches as his eyes scan all the surfaces.

as if by his own accord, jae gets a notepad and begins to write down every single item in the living room and its significance. he works on the list for hours and when its half past six, he sets the pen and paper down.

he silently goes over to the fridge to begin breakfast and grows frustrated when he sees all the food but has no idea what to do with them. all of the recipes that he had memorised over the years are gone.

his mind is blank and he lets out a groan, not knowing what to do now.

the doctors had warned that something like this would happen, but he hadnt expected it to happen so quickly.

"morning dad" hwan says, yawning as he walks into the kitchen.

his steps falter when he sees his fathers disheveled appearance. he can tell he didnt get any sleep last night. he tries to hide his concern as he walks over to jae and hugs him tightly. "you know i love you right?" he whispers quietly.

"yes of course, i love you too" jae says softly. hes about to continue speaking, but suddenly he feels his hand beginning to move without him doing anything and he calmly pulls away from hwan. "im going to wake your father, ill be right back okay?"

"ill start breakfast" hwan yawns.

jae nods slowly before heading upstairs. the shaking in his hand - or spasms - have subsided for now and he takes a deep breath before walking into the befroom.

he jumps abruptly when he sees younghyun sitting on the edge of the bed with a picture in his hand. its the photograph of jae and hwan, younghyun looks sad.

"s-sorry" jae says quietly as he quickly runs to the bathroom. he bumps his hip against the dresser as he goes and shuts the door behind him.

he clumsily takes a shower, and is somewhat disoriented as he walks out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped tightly around his hips. younghyun is nowhere to be seen and hes glad about this.

jae takes his time sitting at the small table in the kitchen, despite the large one in the dining room.

"the eggs are on the stove" hwan says with a smile. hes wide awake now and looks at his parents.

its been a few days since younghyun has started carrying jae out of the penthouse, and it means a lot to him seeing this every morning. it gave him assurance that his parents were happy, that he has nothing to worry about regarding them breaking up.

the fear that he had felt is now gone and he could not be any happier. he even sees younghyun smile at jae as he goes to get some eggs. he hasnt done that in a long time. everything is so peaceful now.

"its time" jae says as the reminder in his phone goes off.

"but youve barely eaten" younghyun says with a slight frown, taking note of the barely touched eggs.

"ill eat at the office" he replies cooly. he tries to stand but his legs are so stiff today and it takes a lot for him to push himself up.

younghyun is by jaes side immediately and quickly picks him up. he takes note of how much lighter jae is now, but attributes that to himself gaining more strength. as he carries his husband over to the front door, he notices how jaes head is now leaned against his chest, and he picks up the light vanilla scent of his cologne.

hwan rushes over to the door and opens it, and watches as his parents step through the threshold and out of the penthouse. he cant help himself as he lets out a quiet whoop and begins to clap.

guilt hits younghyun as he sets jae down, now realising how important to his son it has become to see his parents do this every morning.

he looks awkwardly to jae and feels his heartbeat quicken ever so slightly. he opens his mouth to say goodbye, but stops when he notices the sad look in jaes eyes.

as younghyun drives hwan to school, a million thoughts are rushing through his mind. memories of happier times come back and it takes everything he has to not burst into tears right then and there. he waits until he drops hwan off to take several deep breaths.

he has an internal battle with himself for several long minutes before deciding that he cant go into work today. he sends a quick text to dowoon and decides to go to the penthouse.

he goes to lay on the couch, only to be stopped by a piece of pen and paper. his eyebrows furrow and he leans over to pick up the discarded items. the note reads:

** _things i cant forget_ **


	6. Chapter 6

_ **S I X M O N T H S B E F O R E** _

younghyun's eyes watch dowoon's every move as he makes his way over to the table. he watches how his hands ruffle through his hair. theyre at a small cafe, one thats far away from anyone that may see them. they dont necessarily care about the employees seeing them, but there have been too many close calls with business partners seeing them together.

the people who work for younghyun absolutely adore jae. hes always the one that somehow convinces people to continue working with younghyun. this means that he has to keep up the appearance of still being in love with his husband to benefit his company.

theres a small part of younghun that feels bad about this, but hes sure nothing bad will come of it. besides, it wont be for much longer. hes going to be bringing up the idea of a divorce pretty soon.

its been nearly half a year since he started this affair with dowoon, and hes never felt more alive. the way dowoons body is able to bend, the way he responds to him, and the way hes so willing to have sex at any time excites him like no other.

he knows that he loves dowoon, and that he'll leave jae when the time is right - knowing when is the hard part.

bringing up the idea of a divorce at the wrong time, could spell trouble for him, dowoon and maybe even the company.

he has no idea how jae will react to everything. he suspects that he already knows about the affair. maybe thats why hes been so sad. and his behaviour has changed even more in the past few months.

younghyuns pretty sure that jae hasnt been getting any sleep and this is why hes forgetting more and more things. he doesnt seem as loving as he used to either.

  
"so, when are you going to break the news to your husband?" dowoon asks as he sits across from younghyun. "i want to be able to flaunt you around the city, i hate having to hide you"

"dont worry baby" younghyun says, clearning his throat as his eyes instinctively go to dowoons long fingers which are located on the tabler. "i uh...well, these things take time. i have to break it to him gently or it could spell trouble for us"

"why do i feel like youre stalling on purpose?" dowoon pouts, "i dont think youre as serious about me as i am about you"

"well, i do have a son to think about in this situation" younghyun says, "but dont worry, ill figure it out. i always do."

dowoon lets out a quiet huff as he leans back into the chair, giving younghyun an annoyed look. hes growing impatient, he he just wants jae to know about the divorce. hes tired of all the sneaking around and having to cover his tracks when hes at the office. he doesnt even see the point of it since younghyuns employees know about the affair.

"will you be able to spend the night with me?" dowoon asks after their food comes. he takes a small sip of his tea before beginning to eat his salad. "you know that i sleep better when im with you"

"i have to keep up appearances, but ill see what i can do" younghun sighs. "i could text jae, tell him i have to work late so ill be staying at the office"

hes used that excuse multiple times when in reality, hes actually going over to dowoons apartment. he knows that he has to come up with a better excuse at some point, since he knows that his husband is already suspicious, and most likely knows. hes using the oldest lie in the book.

"i was thinking that you could take the day off tomorrow and we could spend the day together" dowoon says. "think about all the things we could do"

younghyun immediately feels a tug in his stomach at his words and he nods. hes rarely ever taken a day off, and doesnt really see the harm in doing it.

"ill do it, but i have to go back to my husband and son tomorrow night" younghyun says.

dowoon pouts, but knows this is the best thing to do for now. it cant be much longer until younghyun finally plucks up the courage to divorce his husband and he cant wait.

when the two go to dowoons apartment, younghyun receives a text and he refrains from rolling his eyes when he sees jaes name.

_**jae park:**_ younghyun, can you please come home? i have something important to tell you.

_**kang younghyun:**_ im a little busy, can it wait?

_**jae park:**_ no, but i know youre just going to ignore me regardless of my answer

_**jae park:** _thanks for wishing me a happy birthday by the way. i really appreciate it.

younghyun lets out a loud sigh as he puts his phone away. he had completely forgotten what today was, even with multiple reminders set.

"should i go?" younghyun asks after showing the messages to dowoon. he immediately scoffs and shakes his head.

"why should you?" dowoon asks, tossing his leather jacket to the side. "youre divorcing the man, i dont think you need to go to him now." he continues as he unbuckles his pants and removes his light tshirt.

all that stands before younghyun is dowoons bareless torso, and he feels a smirk forming onto his face as he pulls dowoons hips towards him.

"youre right," he says as he stares down at his secretary. "i dont have to go"

_ **P R E S E N T** _

"why are you listening to that album, again?" younghyun asks as he walks into the penthouse. beyonces lemonade is playing on the speakers and he lets out a sigh. he hates the genre, and having jae play it on repeat is only fuelling his hatred.

"because i can. if you have a problem with that you can just go to dowoon's," jae says coolly as he continues writing something down. as younghyun comes closer, jae turns the paper over and places his hand on it. "hes much more willing, and im sure he can tire you out before you come home again. that way you dont have to speak to me and you can go straight to bed."

"except your stupid conditions keep me here," younghyun says through gritted teeth, "just change the damn music, will you?"

"i wont, actually," jae says, "im listening to it because i want to understand"

"understand?" younghyun asks, rolling his eyes.

"i want to be able to understand how beyonce was able to forgive jayz for cheating on her," jae sighs. "cheating is the worst thing someone could do in a relationship, right? it breaks all the trust you have, it causes so much pain, and well...i just dont get it. how could she forgive him?"

"well-"

"she loved him with everything she had, and what did he do? he throws away everything and decides to cheat, i just dont get it," jae continues as he gets more worked up. "i thought that id feel better after listening to the album because it talks about forgiving someone for infidelity, but it makes me feel worse."

"jae-"

"i hate that i cant listen to songs that remind me of you, of us. i just feel bitter"

"yeah, well-"

"i fucking gave you the job that saved your family. i gave you a second chance, i helped you when you were at your lowest point. we adopted a son together, from birth. i was there when your mother died. i was there when your dad tried reaching out to you. - i was just always there," jae screams as he throws his pen across the kitchen. "i gave you eighteen years of my life and you repay me by leaving me for a man you dont even love"

"yeah, well. shit happens" younghyun shrugs.

"yeah, it does," jae sighs. "and it honestly sucks that none of your employees had the guts to tell me about the affair. despite the multiple times i came into the office"

"why would you come to my workplace?" younghyun asks, taken aback a little. its the first time hes hearing about this; jae would normally tell him when he was coming in.

"youd quite often forget your lunch, or your favourite coffee mug. so id bring it over for you" jae replies sadly, "i always left a note and put it on dowoons desk when he wasnt there and your door was closed. i knew what was going on behind it, i just honestly hoped it was all a sick joke.

"what?" younghyun mumbles under his breath. dowoon was always the one to get him his lunch and favourite mug. dowoon would claim he'd gotten it before his meal with a smirk on his face, which he always thought was weird at the time but never questioned it, "that was always dowoon"

jae laughs at this, his head flying back, "you honestly thing that incompetent little boy was actually capable of bringing you lunch?"

"you know, maybe this divorce will be good for us," younghyun says, feeling a rush of anger.

"itll certainly be good for you" jae says quite truly, "good night, younghun" he continues as he grabs the piece of paper he has been writing on.

he leaves the kitchen and goes upstairs. younghyun doesnt even bother going after him, or pointing out the fact that its only six in the evening. he just shakes his head and takes a deep breath before making himself some dinner.

its only as he things up his dirty dishes that he realises that jae hasnt eaten anything.

hes not sure if he should bring him something up, and he decides on not doing so because its not his responsibility anymore. if jae is truly hungry, he'll come back down and get someting.

hwan eventually comes walking into the penthose with a few of his friends from school. younghyun recognises them as kyungseok, wooyoung and youngguk, the three boys that his son has been friends with since they were four years old.

all four of the boys greet younghyun before heading upsatairs, presumably to study for their exams. as he hears hwan close his door, it hits him just how long its been since he spent time with his son.

younghyun is so focused on dowoon that hes pretty much forgotten about that part of his life.

sighing, younghyun goes over to the fridge to pull out a bottle of beer. his eyebrows furrow when he sees all of the labels on the various foods in the fridge

_water - for drinking_

_eggs - scrambled eggs, pastries etc_

_beer - for younghyun. do not drink. this mixes with the anti depressants_

_almond milk - drink twice a day_

_cheese - lactose free because hwan cant have dairy_

younghyun continues looking at the labels and feels his confusion grow. why is jae putting things on everything? it seems a little weird and neurotic, but he doesnt do anything to them. he merely closes the fridge and goes upstairs to ask jae why hes labelling everything, but instead he finds him sitting on the bedroom floor, crying.

hes holding a bunch of photographs in his hands, younghyun recognises that theyre from their wedding and feels a pang of guilt and sadness.

"why are you looking at those? its only going to make you feel worse" younghyun asks, fairly innocently.

"im trying to figure out where it all went wrong. i want to know why you stopped loving me and why you think its okay to put me through all this emotional pain" jae says, "i barely understand whats happening and why. ive done so much for you and you show your gratitude by leaving me. youre cheating me, you dont even care that im dying because of it"

"i do-"

"you havent even apologised" he continues, "its bullshit. i dont understand what else i could have done. you chose to cheat on me because i was sick? what kind of fucked up human being does that?"

"i-"

"the worst part is, i dont even think you ever loved me. all our years of marriage feels like a fucking sham, a lie. all those years wasted on someone who didnt even love me," jae says, with a slight laugh. the sound is bitter and hollow. "im seeing your true colours too late in my life. you are the only persons ill ever get to be with now, and it fucking sucks"

"i did love you"

"dont lie just to make me feel better" jae replies as his eyes begin to fill with tears. "you know, ive always suspected that dowoon liked you"

"and you didnt do anything to stop him?" younghyun asks, his eyebrows raised skeptically.

"no, because i trusted you" jae sighs, "you were my husband and you never gave me a reason to think youd cheat on me. i thought that youd be able to keep it in your pants, but clearly i was wrong"

"how could you have trusted me so much," younghyun asks, feeling another stab of guilt. he sits at the edge of the bed near jae and cant himself from glancing at the wedding photos.

"because i love you with all my heart. i could have never dreamed that youd commit the ultimate betrayal."

"i-"

"you know, i cried myself to sleep the first night you came home smelling like another man," jae admits as he slowly gets up, "i slowly became numb to the obvious signs of you cheating. like when i saw you in a turtle neck for the first time in nearly ten years, all because of a stupid hickey. i hate that you did that to me. i hate that you didnt even bother trying to hide it after the first slip up" he continues bitterly.

he goes over to the trash can thats in the corner of the bedroom and drops the photos in thre, feeling sad as he looks at the reminders of what used to be the happiest day of his life.

younghyun watches with wide eyes as he does this, feeling a mixture of emotions. he didnt think that he would ever do something like that. though he knows that deep down he deserves it. hes the one that pushed jae this far, and he has to look away as he sticks his foot in the trash, pressing it down so its compressed.

theres not going back, especially now that jaes trashed the wedding photos.

"ill be sleeping in the guest room tonight," jae announces, "i cant stand the sight of you right now."

"what about when i have to carry you outside?" younghyun asks quietly.

"ill have to come back here to get my clothes, so youll do that after i get dressed" jae says.

he gets a reminder on his phone and he looks down briefly to look at it.

"now i believe theres something you need to tell me" jae adds. the reminder on his phone had said, _**ask younghyun to remind you.**_

"there is?" he asks, surprised.

"yes, my phone told me that you have to remind me about something"

"reminder?" younghyun mumbers, wondering why jae would put something like that in his phone. "oh yeah" he sighs, "im divorcing you."

"why?"

"why - jae, whats going on with you?" younghyun asks. jae merely glares at him and he sighs again. "ive been...cheating on you with dowoon"

"right" jae sighs. "well goodnight, younghyun" he doesnt give him the chance to reply before hes leaving the room.

younghyun waits a few minutes before moving from his spot on the edge of the bed to the garbage can. the wedding photos, his heart breaking as he sees the smiles of all the guests.

he feels his heart race lightly when he comes across a photo of him and jae. he looked ethereal in his suit, and he sees nothing but love in his eyes.

memories suddenly come back to him and tears begin to fall from his eyes as he remembers what his life was like before dowoon.


	7. Chapter 7

jae slowly walks into the master bedroom and sees that younghyun is awake and ready. yonughyuns eyes widen slightly as he sees the towel situated at jaes hips, his wet hair hovering lightly over his eyes.

jae had taken a shower in the guest bedrooms bathroom and realised he forgot to bring clothes for after he had finished. he had spent a few minutes debating what he should do, and ultimately decided that it was his bedroom too, and he shouldnt worry about younghyun seeing him name.

"please leave as i get dressed," jae says calmly. "hwan needs breakfast. hes taken to having rice and chicken. if i remember correctly, thats already precooked."

"ill come back up in ten minutes, okay?" younghyun asks quietly as he stands.

jae doesnt respond and simply goes over to the large closet.

younghyun sighs before leaving the bedroom to heat up the chicken and rice. as he takes the food out of the microwave, hwan comes walking into the kitchen.

"wheres dad?" he asks as he places his backpack on one of the chairs.

"hes still getting ready," younghyun says awkwardly. "i, um, he said that you liked chicken and rice now, so i heated up leftovers for you," he adds hesitantly.

"he said that?" hwan asks with a raised eyebrow. "i thought he knew i preferred cereal."

"what?"

"hes the one that likes having chicken and rice for breakfast," hwan explains. "the only reason theres leftovers is because he never eats that much anymore."

"hes been forgetting a lot," younghyun frowns.

"yeah, hes had to put labels on certainn things because he forgets what they do or why theyre there," hwan says as he takes a bowl from his father. "im surprised you dont know about that" he adds, watching younghyun carefully.

"well..."

"maybe if you werent working so late or staying at the office, you would have noticed all of this happening," hwan says slowly. "but what do i know? im only a freshmen in high school. ive never worked a day in my life, i dont know how hard you work"

"i have to go get your father," younghyun says uncomfortably as he takes a deep breath. hwan hums in response and continues eating the chicken and rice.

hes never really been a big fan of chicken, but whenever jae has made it in the past year, he eats it because he doesnt want to hurt his feelings. he knows that theres something wrong with jae, and he just wishes that he'd tell him. maybe he'd be able to help.

he knows theres something wrong with his parents' relationship too. hes not stupid, hes been able to pick up on their subtle actions and jaes sad looks. hwan has a sneaking suspicion that dowoon is involved in some way but he cant think how.

"ill eat at the office" hwan sighs quietly as he hears jaes voice and slowly gets up from his chair.

he walks out and sees his parents coming down the staircase. hwan bites the inside of his cheek when he sees the look on younghyuns face as he looks down to jae. theres discomfort, but theres also emotions in his eyes that hwan hasnt seen in a very long time.

"hey hwannie" jae says with a tired smile.

"hwannie?" hwan asks, chuckling. "its been a while since youve called me that."

"would you prefer it if i call you naked mole rat?" jae asks as he closes his eyes and leans against younghyuns chest.

"dad," hwan says, laughing now. jae smiles as he sees hears their sons jubilant voice.

younghun bites on his lip at this interaction, suddenly remembering what it was like to be apart of this family again. its been a few days since he started carrying jae out of the penthouse. with each passing day, hes been getting more emotional.

today, when he had gone to carry him out, he noticed how much lighter jae is. he had looked down at him and saw how exhausted he was. there are heavy bags under his eyes, his skin is pale. the youth he once held is gone and younghyun wonders if hes helped quicken this process.

"ill see you later tonight, okay?" jae says quietly as he wraps his flail arms around hwan, "we can make hot chocolate and watch a movie since its the weekend."

"i would love that" hwan replies hugging him tightly, "i love you."

"i love you too baby" he says before moving his gaze to younghyun. he nods at him before turning and walking away.

"i think im going to walk to school today" hwan says once jae is out of sight. "i dont want to make you late to work," he continues in a slightly harsh tone.

younghyun grits his teeth and is determined to not let his frustration show as he nods. the two stare at each other for a few moments before they turn away at the same time. hwan leaves the penthouse a few minutes later and younghyun lets out a loud groan.

** _*** **** **** ****_ **

"thank you, wonpil" jae says as he runs his fingers through his thinning hair. "everythings fine now?"

"yes sir," wonpil replies as he watches the exhausted man sitting across from him. its been a month sinice hes last seen him and he sees a drastic change. "hwans going to be taken care of, you dont need to worry"

"good" jae sighs. "i just worry, you know? i dont know what younghyuns going to do after...well, you know. i dont even know if i trust him with hwan."

"i wish things could have been different, jae" wonpil says ruefully. "i feel like i could have done something"

"dont blame yourself for younghyun being unable to keep it in his pants" jae scoffs, "hes the one that fucked up."

"still" wonpil sighs. "if only i was smart enough to steal you away when i had the chance. id have cherished you and not been like younghyun and cheat."

"whats done is done, pil" jae says sadly. "i could have made sure that dowoon was fired the second i met him, but i didnt. i could have stepped in sooner, but i didnt. i shouldnt have trusted younghyun, but i did. thats on me, not you" wonpil desperately wants to correct him and explain that its not jaes fault, but its useless.

hes always going to blame himself for whats happening.

"are you going to tell him?" wonpil finally asks.

"probably not," jae says sadly. "if he’d have been with me instead of fucking that secretary, hed know whats happening. since he brought up the divorce, im no longer bound to tell him anything"

"and what about hwan?"

"i know i need to tell him, but how do i even start that conversation?" jae asks as he takes a large gulp of his coffee. "and i dont want to tell him when hes got such an important exam coming up, i dont want him to fail.

"he'll be upset if you dont tell him," wonpil points out. "jae, you need to tell your son before its too late. hwan is a smart boy, he'll pass his exams with what you have to tell him."

"yeah, but-"

"and hes also a lot more perceptive than you give him credit for. im pretty sure hes noticed something off between you and younghyun" wonpil continues.

jaes eyes widen, "im a bad father arent i?" jae asks as he begins to grow more upset.

"of course not" wonpil says hastily. "none of this is your fault, love. its younghyun and his stupid man whore of a secretary."

wonpil looks at jaes fallen face and cant help but admire the sight, hes the most beautiful creature hes ever laid his eyes on. and he is saddened thinking about the inevitable of never being able to see it again.

"i think...i think i need to go right now and pick up hwan, even if hes at school" jae finally says, "i need to tell him about whats happening right now."

"i think thats a good idea," wonpil says carefully. he takes a deep breath before getting up from his seat and going to hug his friend. "im so sorry that this is happening to you, jae. i wish things had been different. younghyun is a damn fool. for what he did, and not seeing whats happening"

"c'est la vie," jae says bitterly.

"jae," wonpil says as he feels a sudden rush of emotions hit him. "i wish i could have prevented this." jae merely smiles and takes in a deep breath.

"ill see you on the other side, yes?" jae asks.

"the world didnt deserve you, jae"

"no" he says, shaking his head. "younghyun didnt deserve me" wonpil struggles to hold in his tears as he steps forward for one last hug.

an hour passes and hwan glances over at his father for what feels like the thousandth time. when jae had come to pick him up from school out of the blue, he hadnt really expected that anything would be wrong.

he thought that jae was just being spacey again and was picking him up early, but now he knows thats not the truth. jae is on edge about something, and hes worried about whats going on.

"you said you wanted hot chocolate, right" jae asks.

"yes, but we dont need to do anything if its too much," hwan replies slowly. "we can just go home and watch a movie or something"

"no, no" he replies. "just remind me that i have something to tell you after the hot chocolate. its really important"

"ill remember, dad" hwan says as he feels his eyes beginning to sting. "you know i love you, right?"

"and i love you, my naked mole rat," jae replies as he grans his sons hand and kisses the back of it. "you are such a wonderful son and i am so grateful that youre so kind. please never lose that"


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im not sure if this is a trigger warning, but i want to tw it JUST in case.
> 
> there is a lot of foul language at the end of this, please avoid if you are sensitive to that. ♡

younghyun lets out a quiet sigh as he stares down at dowoons sleeping body. ever since he started the terms of the divorce that were set by jae, hes been feeling a mixture amount of emotions that he hasnt felt in a long time.

he is still fairly sure that he wants to go through with everything, but somethings holding him back.

hes noticed lately that all he ever seems to do with dowoon is have sex with him. hes doesnt necessarily complain, but hes also noticed how thats all dowoon really wants.

when the affair first started, dowoon had agreed to go on 'dates' with younghyun, but theyve been happening less and less. he seems more interested in having sex than spending time with him, and hes not sure how to feel about that now.

he was so exctied when this affair started. he absolutely loved the attention he got. he couldnt believe that someone like dowoon wanted to be with him. he absolutely adored how toned his body was, as well as how he responded to him.

as things progressed, he felt himself getting more and more excited every time he saw dowoon. it reminded him of the beginning of his relationship with jae. it felt like he was young again, like he could do anything. the feeling is foreign now, and he misses it.

if he could turn back time and go to how things used to be at the beginning of the affair, back when dowoon was willing to go out with him and allow younghyun to treat him to dinner and a movie, he would.

the only way that can happen now is if he promises to take him shoppping or buy him something.

sighing, younghyun climbs out of bed and puts his clothes on. its almost time for him to go back to the penthouse and back to his broken family.

part of him is looking forward to it, but another part is scared.

hes becoming very attached to his old life, right when he was so sure that he wanted to leave it all behind. its almost as if hes beginning to regret everything hes done, but hes still sure that he wants to be with dowoon.

he loves dowoon - not jae. even though hes having doubts. the relationship with his secretary has gone from an emotional one to a physical one, and hes not sure what to do about it.

"younghyun?" dowoon asks as he slowly begins to wake up, "where are you going?"

"home" younghyhun replies as he pulls his slacks on. "dont give he that look." he says impatiently.

"i miss having you with me all the time," he pouts.

"tought shit, dowoon" he says harshly. "you have to suck it up if you want me to divorce my husband. these are his terms and i have to deal with it."

"i just feel like hes taking you away from me," dowoon frowns. "you used to hold me after sex, but now you just lie beside me. i have to make the first move." younghyun rolls his eyes at his obvious attempt at guilt tripping him into staying.

"look, do you want to be with me?" he asks impatiently.

"yes of course i do, but-"

"then you need to deal with the fact that i have to spend time with my husband before i divorce him. this isnt for me or jae. its for our son so he doesnt get distracted from his exams." younghyun interrupts. "i am leaving my family because i lo- like you. why isnt that enough for you now?"

"im sorry" dowoon sighs. "i just miss you."

"you miss my dick, not me" younghyun mutters under his breath. its quiet enough that dowoon doesnt hear, and the two fall silet.

younghyun reluctantly kisses dowoons forehead goodbye before leaving the apartment.

his drive over to the penthouse is long because of the traffic, and when he finally gets there, he sees his husband and son fast asleep on the couch.

hwan's head is resting in the crook of jaes neck. their hands are intertwined and younghyun smiles at the sight, but feeling a pang of sadness. the feeling only grows when he sees the mugs of hot chocolate.

its clear that whatever he missed when he was with dowoon was another family bonding moment.

he can see dried tear strokes on hwans cheeks and sighs quietly. he picks up the empty mugs and carries them into the kitchen.

younghyun officially feels like a stranger in his own home, but he knows that he is the only one to blame for that. if he hadnt been so focused on spending time with dowoon, he would have noticed how his family is slowly slipping away from him.

he knows its his own fault, he knows hes losing his son, and thats because of what hes done.

he deserves all the blame in this, and he always expected that this would happen, but he did not expect that it would hurt so much. after he finishes washing the mugs, his phone buzzes, signaling that he was a new text.

_**park sungjin:**_ younghyun!

_**park sungjin**_: chae and i are in seoul, and we'd love to see you and jae. are you free tomorrow night?

younghyun sighs quietly before thinking of a reply. he knows that if he refuses or says no, then those two will know that somethings wrong. theyre the couple that jae and younghyun would go on double dates with. theyre pretty good friends, but they dont know whats going on in the jae/younghyun household.

_**kang younghyun**_: yes, we should be free. ill double check with jae.

_**kang younghyun:** _where were you thinking of eating?

_**park sungjin:** _n'grill?

_**kang younghyun**_: no

_**park sungjin:** _what? why?

_**kang younghyun:**_ its in the n seoul tower. no way in hell that we are eating there.

_**park sungjin**_: youre right, what about tavolo?

_**kang younghyun:**_ way better. we'll meet you there at six thirty?

_**park sungjin**_: yes! we'll see you tomorrow night

younghyun puts down his phone and walks back out to where jae and hwan are. he sees his husbands eyes slowly open and hes surprised to see jae smile ever so slightly.

jae carefully adjusts hwan so hes lying on the couch and slowly gets up. he walks over to younghyun and wraps his arms around his torso. younghyun stiffens, not knowing what to do. why was he suddenly hugging him?

"so uh, sungjin and chae have invited us to go eat with them tomorrow night," younghyun says awkwardly.

"oh, are they business partners of yours?" jae asks as he pulls away.

"no, jae. theyre our closest friends," younghyun says with furrowed eyebrows. "theyve had dinner with us countless times, remember?"

"do they have a son?" jae asks, trying to remember who these people are.

"yes" younghyun says with a slight smile, "we're going to eat at tavolo."

"oh!" jae mockingly exclaims. "i think i remember this one. its where you said that you were eating at for a 'business dinner' when it reality, you were out with dowoon."

"wait, how do you know that?"

"when hwan was sick, i decided to get some food and i saw you two there when i picked up the order," jae says with a shrug as he begins to walk up the stairs.

younghyun watches with his eyebrows furrowed as jae misses several steps and collapses. he immediately rushes up to help his husband but he pushes him away, "im really sorry about that" jae laughs nervously.

"jae, whats going-"

"oh right, i need to wake hwan, he'll have a sore back if he sleeps on the couch" jae mutters to himself as he tries to stand. he nearly collapses again as his left leg refuses to move in any way. he struggles to keep his panic in check.

"i can go wake him up," younghyun says hesitantly as he watches jae struggle. he feels himself grow more worried as he watches jae try to stand.

"that wouldnt be a good idea," jae sighs. "hwan doesnt want to talk to you right now."

"did you tell him about the divorce?" younghyun asks with a raised eyebrow. "i do believe we agreed on not telling him about it."

"i didnt tell him about that, you air head" jae snaps.

he tries taking another step and is relieved to find that his body is responding this time. "you can go to bed now. ill take care of our son. since thats all ive done for the past few years"

_ ****** **** **** ****** _

"jae, younghyun, its wonderful to see you again" chae says with a wide smile as she goes to hug their friends. she immediately notices how jae seems to tense up at chaes touch, but doesnt comment on it. "hows hwan doing?" she asks, deciding to change the subject.  
  
"hes doing well," jae replies with a tired smile, "exams are soon so hes been studying a lot."

"im sure he'll be fine" chae says kindly as she sits beside sungjin.

her eyes narrow ever so slightly when jae and younghyun sit stiffly next to each other. neither of them are acting the way they used to, and she subtly elbows sungjins side. he looks over to his wife before slowly moving his gaze over to the couple sitting across from them.

sungjin, like chae, is able to tell that something is very wrong between his friends, but he also decides not to say anything. instead, he orders a bottle of non-alcoholic sparkling apple cider, knowing all too well that jae cant have any alcohol.

the conversation between the two couples remains light and comfortable, and whilst this happens, younghyun is warming up to the situation.

hes feeling a lot more at ease now and hes beginning to remember what his life was like before everything happened.

hes laughing along to whatever sungjin is saying and he occasionally looks over and grins at jae. hes oblivious to how jae refuses to meet his gaze, or how hes getting more sad with each passing minute.

whilst sungjin talks with younghun, chae is talking to jae about how her and sungjins son has been doing. she continues watching jae and sees hes progressively getting more distant. shes actually picked up on how withdrawn jae has become and shes starting to suspect not everything is right between her friends.

chae wants to ask jae what is going on between himself and younghun, but she knows she shouldnt. if the couple wants to tell them whats going on, they will. she wont force them to answer, and she doesnt want to hear them possibly say 'we're getting a divorce'.

when desert comes, jae suddenly begins to shiver, his body temperature goes from warm to very cold. he drops his spoon abruptly and quickly puts his thin jacket on. it takes several long minutes for the feeling to pass and he relaxes every so lightly.

"so, we havent really asked, but howve you two been doing," sungjin asks, finally deciding to ask the question thats been on his and chaes mind. both jae and younghyun hesitate before answering.

"we're doing great" younghyun lies.

"we're getting a divorce, actually" jae interjacts before younghyun can say anything else. almost immediately, younghyun, sungjin and chae stare at him with wide eyes. "sorry, i just didnt feel like beating around the bush."

"you...what?" chae asks as she covers her mouth with her hands. she had really hoped that nothing was wrong between jae and younghyun, and that it was all just an innocent fight.

"due to...irreconcilable differences, we have agreed to a divorce," jae says, ignoring the look younghyun is giving him.

"what about hwan?" sungjin asks, feeling a rush of sadness. it takes jae a few moments to realise that sungjins referring to custody.

"thats something we havent decided yet."

"we are not really sure if we'll actually go through with the divorce though," younghyun says, causing jae to glare at him.

"well, i know that i want the divorce," jae snaps, "dont you DARE back out of this now that youve finally decided to grow a heart."

"excuse-"

"check please!" chae and sungjin say at the same time. they raise their hands up to get the waiters attention and the other couple their their mouths, determined not to fight until they get home.

sungjin and chae say goodbye to their friends, uncomfortably. as they sit in the car, they both take in a collective breath. it absolutely breaks their hearts to know that their two dear friends are getting a divorce.

they were so sure that if a couple was to make it, it would be jae and younghyun.

jae and younghyun were so in love, and they would never have expected them to break up. they can remember when the two of them would look at eachother with nothing but love in their eyes. they dont know what went wrong, but they have a feeling its something to do with younghyun, because of what jae was saying to younghyun.

while chae continues contemplating what could have possibly happened, sungjin drives home, feeling sad. the selfish part of him hopes that he'll still be able to see both younghyun and jae, but deep down he knows he'll have to choose one.

even though he was younghyhuns friend first, he would probably choose to spend his time with jae, because jae is a beautiful person because of how kind he is. he couldnt exactly say the same for younghyun.

when sungjin and chae get home they both go to the nursery where they see their son sleeping in his crib. the babysitter they hired is sitting nearby in an armchair. she looks up and smiles at them and leaves a few minutes later after she gets paid.

the two hold their baby tightly, and hopes that nothing goes wrong with them.

they only wished they knew what happened between younghyun and jae, so that they wouldnt make the same mistakes that they did.

**** **** **** ****

"what the actual fuck was that?!" younghyun booms once he gets home with jae. "why would you tell them that?"

"because its true," he replies. "you wanted the divorce so im giving it to you."

"yeah, well, maybe..."

"dont you dare start having second thoughts, younghyun," jae snaps. "you do not get that luxury, not when you started all of this. you are the one who wanted to have the divorce, you are the one that decided to cheat."

"stop-"

"im not this piece of shit that decided to stick his dick inside of a young man because his husband was sick. im not the one who decided to throw everything away for a few quick fucks," he seethes. "since i couldnt convince you to change your mind about the divorce, you dont get to change mine. i want this, and it will happen. you dont need me, and i dont need you."

"when did i say i didnt need you?" younghyun scoffs. "i never said that"

jae lets out a quiet snicker before turning around and walking into the kitchen. younghyun follows, feeling annoted.

  
"you said that you dont need my money, dumbass," he says as he pours himself a glass of water. "that also means you dont need me anymore. which is pretty shitty considering how much you needed my money eighteen years again. yes, i helped you because i wanted to, but you seem to forget that without my help, you wouldnt be half the person you are today. you could still be on the streets, stealing from unsuspecting people. your family could be dead, _you_ could be dead. ive done every fucking thing for you, and all ive ever ask for was for you to love me. which i dont think you ever did."

"when are you going to realise that i_ did_ love you?" younghyun snaps. "i loved you, so much, and yes, i cheated, but shit hap-"

"dont you fucking _dare_ say shit happens. you didnt just _happen_ to stick your dick in dowoon. you did it on purpose. fucking own up to what youve done. be a fucking man and realise that youve ruined this family because you were bored and craving attention.

"stop yelling, jae," younghyun says as he struggles to keep his frustration in check. "i dont want hwan to hear any-"

"oh, so _now_ you care about him," jae snarls.

"i dont appreciate what youre implying," younghyun says through gritted teeth. "hes my son, of course i care about him"

"if you care about him, then why did it take you this divorce to pay attention to him?" jae says with a raised eyebrow. "youve been pushing him to the side for years. youve spent more time working and fucking your secretary than with him and thats something i will never forgive you for. you were even late to his birthday. i dont care that you missed mine, but your son? how could you fucking do that?"

"i said i was sorry" younghyun mumbles, ashamed.

"the time will come when a pitiful 'sorry' isnt enough, younghyun" jae says coolly. "work on fixing your relationship with your son because you are runnnig out of time. i learned to live without you, but he hasnt. if you waste anymore time, it will be too late and you will regret everything youve done to him"

"jae-"

"we are getting this divorce, younghyun. nothing you say will convince me otherwise. you asked for this, and you dont get another chance._ you_ fucked me up, _you_ fucked everything up."


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhh this is coming to an end so quickly. there is one chapter left. so buckle up for the most disconsolate (haha) rollercoaster of your life.

during the following ten days, younghyun carries jae out of the penthouse. he becomes alarmingly aware of how frail jae has become.

he knows he hasnt been imagining jaes weight loss anymore. he had stood in just a towel on his hips, in front of the mirror one day, and younghyun realised how unhealthy jae looked. his hip bones protruded in an unnatural way, and his ribs could be seen from him barely even breathing.

younghyun asked what jae was doing in front of the mirror that day and found out that even he didnt know what he was doing. where his clothes were, or even how to put them on. younghyun had to help his soon to be ex husband learn how to put his own clothes on his body.

red flags had been raised that day, and hes begun to notice more unsettling things about his husband.

hes noticed that hes getting less sleep as of late. and his movements are very uncoordinated. his memory is getting worse with each passing day and younghyun swears he sees jae always involuntarily twitching his arms and legs.

jae looks perpetually exhausted now, and it looks as if hes aged a considerable amount in such a short time.

younghyun cant help but think thats his fault.

younghyun is even feeling so guilty hes been avoiding dowoon, part of him feels bad but he needs to figure out what he wants. because lately he really isnt sure.

the more he thinks about it, younghyun is finding it harder and harder to figure out why hes divorcing jae, especially when jae seems to forget every night. with each explanation he has to give to him, he feels more torn and confused.

whats worse is that jae seems to get more emotionally unstable and hes been crying himself to sleep. now younghyun cant stand having to see his husband breakdown every night.

ironically, telling jae about the divorce had been one of his favourite conditions in the beginning. he thought it would be easy because he was sure that it would be because he was positive at first he wanted to divorce jae.

ever since the argument, the day of the dinner, things have changed.

he can acknowledge now that his feelings have changed. hes pretty sure that things were changing as soon as the conditions were put in place.

“ill see you later tonight, hwan,” jae says as younghyun sets him down “i love you, and text me when you get out so i can start making your dinner.”

“dont worry dad, ill be sure to text you” hwan says with a slight smile. he hugs his father a bit tighter this time before pulling away. he watches with sadness as jae walks stiffly out the door, “poor dad” he sighs.

“so uh, do you want me to drive you to school today?” younghyun asks hesitantly. hes been trying pretty hard to reconnect with hwan. its been successful for the most part - but thats only because hwan allows it to be. 

though he hasnt said it to either of his parents, he had overheard the argument about the divorce. he had already known deep down, but hearing shattered his heart in an unimaginable way. he held onto the hope that everything was fine for so long, he almost started to believe it.

after hearing what jae had said though, he realised what younghyun did was unforgivable. 

hes on jaes side, but hes also trying to give his other father a chance. hes doesn’t necessarily want to cut all ties with him, because whats done is done. but he no longer feels connected to younghyun. 

he just doesn’t understand why younghyun would cheat, especially with someone like dowoon. hwan hates the secretary for what hes done to the family, and he cant believe his father fell for his stupid tricks. 

he knows, like jae, that dowoon doesnt like younghyun romantically. he probably wants his money, his power. hes seen boys like him all before. its a shame younghyun wants dowoon for his body.

“are you going to stand there staring at me all day?” younghyun asks, laughing nervously 

“sure dad, id like it if you took me” hwan sighs. “are you going to pick me or will you be too busy, ‘working’?”

“im actually taking some time off,” younghyun addresses as he tries to hide his frustration. “he knows exactly what hwan is getting at, and he knkws by now that he overheard the argument from the other week. “i decided i should be around for a while” he sighs as he ruffles a hand through his hair. 

“sounds like youre trying to avoid someone,” hwan says quietly. “but who am i to judge right?” younghyun merely sighs in response and goes over to grab his car keys.

silently, he motions for his son to follow him and they get into the car. the atmosphere is awkward, but its what could be expected from now on.

hwan hums quietly along to the song playing, and quietly thanks his father foe driving him to school. younghyun groans once his son is out of sight and drives back to the penthouse.

once hes there, he sees that there are a few unread messages from dowoon.

_**yoon dowoon: **baby i miss you :(_

__**yoon dowoon**_: we havent talked in a long time_

__**yoon dowoon**_: are you purposely ignoring me? i just got your work schedule and youre not in until next wednesday._

**_kang younghyun_:** _ just because i take time off work doesnt mean im avoiding you. not everything revolves around you, dowoon._

__**yoon dowoon**_: whats going on, younghyun? why are you suddenly snapping? ive done nothing wrong._

**kang younghyun:** _ we’ll talker later. im a little busy_

__**yoon dowoon**_: you used to prioritise over anything, younghyun. whats changed? are you suddenly ‘in love’ with your husband again?_

**kang younghyun: ** _watch it, yoon dowoon_

__**yoon dowoon**_: just come over, keke. i miss you and i want you to myself._

_**kang younghyun**: dont call me that. i am busy, dowoon. i am not coming into the office just because you dont want me to_

__**yoon dowoon**_: youre spending time with him, arent you._

**kang younghyun** _: i mean, he is my husband._

__**yoon dowoon**_: please just come to my apartment tonight. i want to spend time with you._

dowoon stares down at his phone feeling panicked. he knows now that jaes plan to get younghyun to fall back in love with him is working. he feels a bit stupid for thinking that it wouldnt happen.

his mind begins to race as he thinks about how he can get younghyun to come back, he is so close to getting what he wants now. money and power. all he has to do is keep younghyun wrapped around his finger.

he’ll be guaranteed a comfortable life after that.

dowoon doesnt love younghyun. but hes sure that he can if hes given the right reason to. 

this affair has only been going on for a year, and dowoon thinks thats not enough time to fall in love with someone. he loves the attention the boss gives him, especially because hes so willing to buy him expensive gifts.

hes gotten used to younghyuns gifts and he certainly doesnt want to lose that aspect of their relationship.

his mind races as he thinks of all the possible ways he can get younghyun to love him again. its clear that the honeymoon period is over.

with a slight sigh, dowoon decides to leave the office when business is slow, and hails a taxi down to the younghyun/jae houshold. hes adamant that as soon ad younghyun sees him with a few buttons undone, he’ll take him right back in.

he knows hes taking a big gamble by coming over to the penthouse. he knows hes crossing a big line, but what else could he do?

he knows that as part of the affair hes not allowed to go near the penthouse but its a risk hes willing to take because it could pay off well. 

his hearts beats wildly in his chest as he reaches the penthouse door. he bangs three consecutive light knocks on the oak frames. he can hear steps on the other side as his heart leaps into his throat.

“well hello mr younghyun, its lovely to se-“ dowoon begins seductively as he unbuttons the button two buttons down from the top one. he stops abruptly as he sees the young boy stood before him. “oh, hwan. hello.” he says as he pulls his jacket around his chest.

“well, why are you here?” hwan asks coolly.

“well-“

“havent you done enough to this family without showing up right on the doorstep of the home you wrecked?” hwan begins, holding back his fists. “you ruined everything. every last thing. thanks to you younghyun is leaving my dying father.”

“excuse me, little boy, but i dont appreciate you speaking to me that way” he snaps, “you are a child”

“youre one to talk,” hwan says, raising an eyebrow. “youre what? barely 10 years older than me. if anything, youre the child because you honestly believe that youll get what you want from my dad. 

“listen here-“

“no,” hwan booms, “you dont get to say anything. you are a _despicable_ human being and i hope youre happy with yourself. you are a ditzy home wrecker, now get out before i call the police.”

“youre not the boss of me, you little-“

“care to finish that sentence, yoon dowoon?” younghyun asks as he walks over to the doorway.

he heard the tails end of his sons rant and hes filled with rage when he sees dowoon stood in the doorway. dowoons brown eyes widen in panic as he takes a step back.

“o-oh, younghyun” he says nervously.

“hwan, would you please give me and my _employee_ a minute?” younghyun says calmly, causing dowoons heart to sink.

“no,” hwan shakes his head, “i dont trust you enough to leave you alone with him. you better say what you need to say in front of me, or else im calling the police.”

“fine,” younghyun shrugs as he looks to his son, “dowoon, you and i are over”

“w-what?”

“i cant, in good conscience, continue this affair. i let it get too far and-“

“you promised!” dowoon cries out, “you promised to leave your stupid-“

“dont you dare finish that sentence,” hwan yells, “my father is a thousand times better than the person you will ever be.”

“yeah. right-“ dowoon scoffs.

“you are also fired, dowoon” younghyun happily continues, “i cannot allow you to work for my company, when you treat my family this way. i know i am no better than you for what i did. but you are fired, and this is over”

dowoon bursts into tears when younghyun says this, the reality hitting him like a ton of bricks as he stares at the man before him helplessly. 

“y-younghyun”

“you know, i recently came to terms with the fact that i never loved you. i was merely caught up in your body and the lust that i felt,” younghyun is nearly crying by this point, hes not sure why.

“what i have - had - with my husband, that was pure love. carrying him out of that penthouse every morning has made me realise it. i regret ever starting this affair with you. i cant take back what i did, but i will spend the rest of my life trying to make this up to my husband,” younghyun lets out all in one breath, “that’s assuming that he will take me back, after all the emotional pain ive put him through. 

dowoon stands there, defeated. he knows his life of comfort is millions of years away now.

“in case you didn't notice, that was his way of saying get the hell out of our house” hwan huffs, “get away from here, i hope youre happy that you ruined the picture perfect family” he doesnt give dowoon or younghyun time to say anything before he slams the door shut.

silence.

“hwan i-“

“you know, i truly hope you are happy with what youve done,” he snaps as he turns to look at his father. “dad is never ever taking you back. he is never going to find someone to love him now. you was his one and only chance at happiness and you ruined it. i hope you can live with yourself for that.”

“i know youre mad at me hwan, but i promise, i will make it up to jae” younghyun says desperately.

“i dont think you get it, _dad_” hwan yells. “i cant believe how clueless youve been. hes been labelling things, his memory is barely existing - all of these signs that hes dying and you chose to ignore them? how _stupid_ are you?”

before younghyun can even think of a response, hwans phone begins to ring. hwan sends younghyun a disgusted look before answering it.

younghyun sighs quietly and he follows his son into the living room where he is on the phone.

he can see hwans eyes fill up with tears as the conversation on the other end continues. his worry thickens as he tries to listen in closer, to which hwan walks out the room to stop his father from eavesdropping.

younghyun is annoyed, but when hwan comes back in to the living room with tears streaming down his face, the feeling goes away.

hwan feels numb as he looks up to his father. it takes everything in him to say his next few words.

“d-dads in the hospital”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i would recommend listening to i would by day6 to get the full effect of this chapter. maybe read the english lyrics if you dont understand the korean ones. its a long one - but its a needed one.
> 
> please enjoy the read, and whilst i know it may not be the ending everyone wanted, bask in it. what happens, happens.
> 
> UPDATE *****
> 
> its been a lil while since i checked in on this, but it dawned on me that some questions may still be unanswered. i dont know if anyone will read this, BUT it any questions are wanting to be asked, please do so. and ill try to answer.
> 
> in the same sense - if i get them - i may post a new chapter on here solely as a Q&A. 
> 
> i really loved writing this fic, and exploring different characters, and i really hope everyone else did :’)

jae park died before hwan and younghyun even got the chance to see him.

in fact, he didnt even make it to the hospital, and had passed away in the ambulance.

his unconscious body was found by a few co-workers when they came to talk to him about a manuscript. 

he was on the floor, by his desk, and by the times the paramedics had arrived, it was too late. his legs had collapsed beneath him, hitting his head on his desk.

his body shut down on him on the way to hospital, and he passed away without feeling any pain.

younghyun discovered that night that jae had been dealing with fatal familial insomnia. a very rare disease that had no cure at all. it didnt have a set treatment either because of how rare the disease is.

patients, once diagnosed, are given eighteen months to live at the very maximum. and he learned that jae found out that he had the condition six months after the symptoms.

younghyun realised it all started just as the affair he had with dowoon did.

it made sense to him now, all the times jae had told him to come home. he always said he had something important to tell him.

younghyun always pushed it off as something that wasnt important. that whatever it was could wait. he couldve never imagine that the times he brushed his husband off for his secretary was because he wanted to him that he was going to die.

younghyun had never hated himself more when all that happened.

he pushed jae to the side for dowoon. he couldnt believe that he didnt notice the sings of his husbands failing health. it was all there, right in front of him, and he ignored them.

jae had labelled all of his foods in the end. he began to forget every important thing and even forgot about the divorce. his body was failing on him and he often collapsed and his hands uncontrollably shook.

he no longer slept as well as he used to, and didnt sleep at all in the days leading up to his death.

he didnt eat much either, and younghyun now knows that that should have been the biggest red flag. jae loved food, he could fit an entire piece of cake in his mouth without a care.

younghyun was hurt at first that jae never told him about this disease. at the point of the divorce he only had a month and a half to live.

younghyun realised that jae was going to tell him about it that night, but instead he sprung the divorce up. which made jae forget because of the way that he was dying.

it seems that after that, jae never tried to bring it up again; perhaps he had assumed that it was obvious, and younghyun didnt care.

everything that jae did after the mention of the divorce was for hwan. he spent his last dying month making sure that hwan would be taken care of.

it took years for anyone to realise why jae had asked younghyun to carry him out of the penthouse every morning. the main reason they thought was so that hwan knew that nothing was wrong, but really, it was so that hwan didnt perceive younghyun in a bad light.

jae knew that it meant a lot to hwan to see younghyun carry him every morning, jae wanted hwan to see how loving and caring his father can be.

even though hwan knew what was really going on by the end, jae wanted to lessen the pain for his son and he thought that this was the best way. he didnt want hwan to resent younghyun for what was happening, it was clear that he wanted them to maintain a good relationship, because he wouldn’t be around to make sure that it would be anymore. 

that is the _only_ reason why hwan is currently standing on the front steps of younghyuns home.

his wife, sua, stands behind him with their month old baby in her arms. hwan is here to introduce his daughter to his his dad, her granddad.

he doesnt want to give his dad the luxury of knowing his daughter, but he knows that he has to. he owes it to jae, his loving father, to try and have a civil relationship with younghyun. even if it was his wife that convinced him to come here.

hwan has resented his father for the past twelve years now, but hes remained in contact with him through occasional phone calls and letters.

younghyun _was_ invited to the wedding, but he quickly left after the vows were said. he knew thats all that he was supposed to see.

“relax, hwannie” sua murmurs quietly as she gently grasps her husbands hand. “itll be okay.”

“i know it will, but,”

“but youre nervous to see your father after so long. i understand,” she says softly, “i am willing to do whatever you want. if you dont want your father involved, we can leave right now”

“thatll just break his heart,” hwan grumbles. even though he isnt fond of his father anymore, he knows how excited he will be to see his granddaughter. 

younghyun didnt go to the hospital because of his uncertainty of how welcome he’d be. hwan had decided to grudgingly facetime his father once yuna was born. he was annoyed at bow excited his father was to see his granddaughter, but he found it oddly endearing at the same time.

“this could be good for you, hwan” sua smiles. he sigh quietly and looks towards his wife, his eyes scanning how beautiful she is. its been seven years since he met her at university and a day hasnt gone by where he isnt amazed by her beauty.

shes just even more beautiful after she carried his son. hes well aware that she hates her body now, having a C-section and her thin curves disappearing, but it just reminds him of how strong she is.

“i should knock on the door, shouldnt i?” hwan asks after realising that hes been stating at his wife for too long.

“you can do this, my love” she says quietly. she carefully adjusts yuna in her arms before nodding as her husband.

hwan takes a deep breath before knocking on the oak door. he bites on the inside of his cheek as the door opens, revealing his father.

hes aged since the last time hes seen him, he has a few wrinkles here and there, his hair has greyed a lot and hes gained weight. hes not nearly as healthy as he was before and he has a larger stomach because of his constant drinking for years.

his eyes widen as he sees his son, hes not quite able to believe that hes actually here.

“uh hi,” hwan mumbles uncomfortably. he instinctively wants to hug his father but refrains from doing so, he doesnt want to give in. at least not yet.

younghyun hesitantly smiles before stepping back from the door way, offering them to come in. “hey hwan, its good to see you” he manages to say as he tries to keep his excitement at bay.

whilst this is the first time hes seeing yuna in person, its the first time hes seen hwan and sua since the wedding. that was five years ago.

“and sua. im happy to see you both” its only then that the couple notices that younghyun is wearing an apron. hwan feels his excitement grow because he knows what that means. his father must have whipped up his favourite home cooked meal. baked ziti. with this he feels a slight pang. hwan knows this is his fathers way of asking them to stay longer than they had intended.

“thank you, mr kang,” sua says, still unsure of how to address her father-in-law. younghyuns smile falters at the formality of her sentence, knowing full well that shes only say his name once hes proven himself.

“dad, i hope you didnt go all out. we’re not sure how long we’ll be able to stay,” hwan confesses.

“oh,” is all that younghyun manages to say. “well thats okay. ill give you an extra dish for desert to take home. i-im not sure if you like baked ziti anymore b-but its okay if you dont. i should have asked. i can give portions out to the homeless if you dont. i-i cant eat it anymore-“

“dad, youre rambling,” hwan says, “you dont need to worry about me not liking baked ziti. i still love it. i recently got sua to like it. you cant have it anymore?”

“oh, its bad for my heart” younghyun says as he walks into the kitchen. he leans down to look through the glass in the over to see how long it needs left to cook. he looks back to his son, and daughter in law. “that doesnt matter, i made myself a salad.”

theres a few moments of silence before sua steps out to younghyun, remembering she has to do something.

“i think its time you meet your granddaughter, mr kang,” she says with a slight smile.

younghyuns eyes immediately go to the small baby in her arms and he feels a sudden rush of warmth as he looks at yuna. “would you like to hold her?”

“if thats okay” he beams in a hushed voice, not wanting to wake the baby. he wants nothing more than to hold her, but holds back as he doesnt want to cross any lines 

his hopeful gaze turns to hwan who slowly nods. he watches carefully as his father takes his daughter into his arms and he feels even more conflicted when he sees how happy younghyun is. its like a new breath of life has hit him.

while hwans relationship with his father is strained, he does still care about what he does. thats why hes always asking if theres anything going on in his life.

younghyun has never been with another man, or ever tired to be since jae passed away. he actually had to get a restraining order filed against dowoon. hwan knows his father has abstained from any form of relationship as a punishment for what he did, and hwan is conflicted about that.

on the one hand, he wants younghyun to suffer for what he did to his father. he wants him to feel pain, and guilt, but on the other hand, he knows that jae wouldnt want this for younghyun. he wouldnt want him to be alone.

hwan knows that younghyun is perfectly content with being alone, but hwan isnt.

he doesnt want the one parent he was left to be alone because he knows jae would want more for him. he probably would hope that younghyun would move on and find peace, but he hasnt.

jae was younghyuns one and only love, and it took him dying for him to foolishly realise it. theres no way he could ever be happy with anybody else, after what happened.

“yuna is absolutely gorgeous” younghyun says quietly as he holds her carefully in his arms. hes reminded of the times he held hwan, and sadly smiles. “you know, i am always willing to take care of her. if you ever need a break. i-i recognise you dont owe me anything but...” he continues rambling and whilst this happens, hwan and sua glance at one another. 

they nod together before turning their gaze to the still rambling man.

“dad” hwan stops him, trying to get his attention.

“okay, so maybe i dont deserve to be in your lives. i get it. i fu- messed up and theres nothing i can do to make it right. ive spent countless nights-“

“dad.”

“you wouldnt hate me if i hadnt of been selfish. jae- your father wouldnt have didnt thinking i didnt love him. he would have-“

“_dad_”

“i bet hes laughing at me right now. sure, he may have said that he forgave me, but i wouldnt blame him if he was lying. i deserve him still hating me even in the afterlife-“ 

“_younghyun_,” sua says forcefully. he immediately stops rambling when he hears her say his name. its been a long time since someone he actually cares about has said his name.

“oh, sorry. i tend to ramble a lot more lately” he nervously laughs. he goes to hand yuna back over to hwan and takes a few steps back. “i, uh, okay. ill just check on the food.” 

he looks at the over again, even though he just did so a few minutes ago.

“dad, will you please look at me?” hwan asks a little forcefully.

its certainly satisfying to see, but it feels so wrong because of all the sadness and pain hidden in his voice. he knows now that his father has been extremely lonely and it does break his heart a little. 

sua takes this as a sign that she should leave the room, she takes her daughter from hwans arms and removes herself from the situation and goes where she is least likely to hear the upcoming conversation. she enters the bathroom, where she plans on breast feeding yuna.

when she enters the bathroom, she can see many framed photos of jae. 

she smiles at how happy her father-in-law once looked in the photos. jae park embodied kindness and a glowful youth, you would die to be inside of his beautiful mind. and sua feels a rush of sadness as she realises that she will never meet jae in this life and get to thank him for raising such a beautiful son. 

there are many thoughts of what could have been. which makes sua realise that she desperately wants younghyun in the families life, for yunas sake.

while sua is breastfeeding her child, younghyun and hwan awkwardly stand in the kitchen. neither of them say a word, in hopes that the other will begin the conversation. eventually, younghyun takes a deep breath before staring at hwan, feeling waves of regret in him. 

“hwan-“

“listen dad. i dont want to hear your apology.” he interrupts, “i can tell that your sorry. i know that you regret what happened but unfortunately that doesnt change things. youre the main reason our family got so broken. if you hadnt of been seduced by dowoon, we would be on okay terms. my dad would have died no matter what, but we would have gotten through it together, i wouldnt have spent years wishing that you werent my other adopted father. what you did was despicable, and i cant ever forgive you for putting dad through that pain” he continues, making younghyuns eyes fill with pain.

“in all honesty. i dont care that much that you missed so much of my life because deep down i knew that you cared, i knew that you loved me. i knew that no matter what id always be your son, even if not by blood. sure you spent more time with dowoon in the end than you did me, but i knew you still loved me unconditionally. the only thing i really care about is the fact that you ignored your husband, my dad. you ignored all the signs that he was sick. you didnt seem to care that he was in pain. you were too caught up in dowoons body to realise that the one man you truly loved and loved you back, was dying,”

“its also quite shitty because you was going to leave him for dowoon. even though you didnt even love dowoon. it was lust. i know perfectly well that you were sleeping with him more than you were talking to him, that was not love even if for some reason you thought it was. i honestly cant believe you thought dowoon loved you too, it was obvious what he wanted, sex and money. men who sleep around with married men dont want love, i thought youd know that,”

“sure, you were bored, stressed, but thats not how you deal with it. my dad had that pain, but he dealt with it, not by cheating on the man he loved. i really do wish you never ruined things. dad gave you everything, literally saved your life and your entire families life. you wouldnt be here without him, i wouldnt have been adopted by the most wonderful father and yourself. i will always love you, i will always care for you, but it wont ever be how it used to be. i hate what you did, and i dont really want to be around you.”

“hwan-“ younghyun says, his voice cracking as he struggles to keep up with his sons words.

“that being said, even though a part of me will always hate you, i want to be around you for the sake of my family, my daughter. i want yoy to be involved in yunas life because thats what jae would have wanted, and i wanted too. and i know sua does. i just need you to know that you are on thin ice and you always will be. if you fuck up again, thats it. im giving you this second chance, you wont be allowed anymore because you dont even deserve this one,” hwan interrupts, trying to ignore the way his heart beats rapidly as he reaches the end of his rant. 

“i dont deserve this,” younghyun says as tears run down his cheeks. “i had expected you not to show up today. i dont deserve to have you in my life, but especially not your entire family. hell, i dont even deserve to be alive. jae should be the one here, he should be taking care of you, your wife and your daughter. i should have never been the one that survived and thats something im going to have to live with for the rest of my life. i cant make up for what i did, but i want to try and make things better for you and i. im not taking this second chance for granted, and i am so sorry for everything that ive done.”

a few minutes pass in silence as the two men walk up to each other and hug. both of them know that things will continue to be strained for a little while, but as tears pour out of their eyes, they know it will be worth it.

sure, things will never be the same. but yuna will have a grandfather. 

and though hwan is upset that his daughter and wife never meet jae, he knows that hes smiling down on them, proud of the person his sons become.

sua comes down a few minutes later and smiles when she sees the two men smiling, she knows that things are getting back on track for them. and she cant help but feel proud of her husband for everything hes been through, to come out on top.

as the young couple drives home, hwan reflects on how proud jae would have been of him. hes confident that jae wouldnt be mad at him for resenting younghyun. he thinks that he’d be glad that he was angry for a period of time, but the fact that hes willing to give younghyun a second chance shows how much hes learnt, and how much hes grown.

hwan will continue to regret whats happened, and how his daughter will never meet such a strong person like jae. he can only hope that his daughter will end up being half the person that his father was, and he hopes to cherish her and raise her in thw way that jae did for him.

its with this small thought that he smiles as he relaxes into the drivers seat, and he feels that things have finally calmed.

and he can breathe again.


End file.
